'The hills were alive with the sound of my moaning...'

On Monday, we met up at the demense once more, we had a chat about the previous Saturday's run and put some time in training for this Saturday's run, the Killarney 10 mile. I really don't think any amount of training could have prepared me!!!
Strangely enough, I do believe it was the most relaxed I've ever been before a run. I slept like a log, the night before a run I usually toss and turn and wake at first light, feeling like I haven't slept a wink. Not this Saturday I woke refreshed, I ate the breakfast, loaded the car and headed into Killarney.

So relaxed my eyes are half closed..

The reason for my relaxed state was because my aim was just to finish. That's all just to finish. I knew about the uphill and in fairness if you have ever glanced at this blog before, you will know my aversion to anything vertical! So why, do it? I hear you ask. Well the run was being held to raise funds to help the construction of a running track here in Killarney which will be of benefit to the whole community, that sums up why.
As I collected my number and tech shirt, I had to pass the finishing line and I did have a moment where I thought I hope I see it later. 
I met up with Bernie we headed toward start line. Tina arrived although not running,  herself and Susan were the cheer squad for the day. I headed to the bathroom and then came back to the girls. That was the one thing about Saturday between collecting number and start there was a lot of time to hang around also we were unsure of the start but it was at Ballydowney Roundabout. As we arrived at the roundabout, Michelle and Anna strolled up. People were steadily arriving now. As usual we took a before pic.

As we took off, I was relaxed, the first mile or so was lovely and then the roads incline became more noticeable. As I hit Madams Hill, I headed up walking and then for the next mile or so I ran/walked. As I hit the Aghadoe graveyard, I had a wobble and said no I'm done. As people passed, My old 'I don't want to be the last, or the slowest' thoughts crept in and I stopped still. Took a deep breath looked at the road behind me and thought F*** it, I'm finishing! And I powered on..
I took some water at the stop but didn't take any oranges even though did look lovely.
As I passed the Aghadoe Heights Hotel, I did think shame there is no one here to take a picture. I will try take one at a later date and share it, for those of you who may not have seen this view. It's amazing! (I should have taken one..)
From there was a good downhill stretch, great, Yes and No!  My thighs were burning as I reached the Golden Nugget, which I would pay for later. I was smiling and coherent which is always a good sign for me when doing a run. As, I entered the Fossa Way I was on familiar territory.   I sweat alot and for some reason I felt a real need for a fizzy drink and so rang John to see could he have one at the finish which was less than 3 miles away. Something to look forward to.. As I passed the playground, the legs felt like lead, as I headed up towards the demense entrance I saw Bernie. I knew I had yet to climb the Knockreer hill (which is torturous to me on the best of days) but today with heavy legs. It was UGHHHHHH!!!!  (No words people, no words).
Bernie offered to stay with me, but I declined I had to push on alone. The next mile or so passed on and as I headed up the canal, I knew I would get there.

As an aside, Bernie offering to stay with me even though she had completed 10 faster miles already or Anna doing Knockreer Hill twice to urge Michelle on, this is what a running group is all about. We really got lucky with this group Brenda created...

Heading down the Bishops path, I was run/walking, (More walking, I must confess. I know your surprised..) then in front of me I saw Susan, John and Tina.

I picked up the pace and headed to the finish line and didn't stop until I crossed the line. And, I was glad that it was over! I told the girls I never wanted to go up a hill again. And at the moment, I truely meant it!

I had completed the 10 miles. It was the first finish line this year that I genuinely felt happy after crossing.  I may even attempt it again next year if they get rid of a hill..or two!! Yes, I could have done better but I had battled one or two of my own inner voices along the way and those little battles will improve my ability more in the long run (no pun intended). 

Happy to be done!

So as my inner voice conflict will no doubt continue, this is what I know after the last few months:
I will always be an end of the pack runner, the runner who ends before the walkers or on a bad day after the walkers. But I will finish! This does not mean my ability is anything less than those who run faster or further, it just means it may take me a little while longer to get there.  I always strive to push on forwards even if sometimes it looks like I'm standing still. I will run (with some pace, if possible) across the finish line. I will improve. I have improved. And above all else, I won't give up. 

Mind training needed.. or maybe a kick in the ....

Well, where do I begin..

Saturday morning dawned, breakfast of porridge and coffee, twenty trips to the bathroom (maybe should have made it 21) and I was out the door. Mum was doing the 5K walk, so having collected her, we arrived into Killarney in plenty of time. Parked car and headed out to meet the girls.
Having met up we walked to the start line, did a run to warm up stretched (very professional!) and waited, at this stage I was relaxed enjoying the morning. I even have pictorial evidence of this.

We are rocking the Black and Pink..

As we headed to the start line, Tiffany appeared and we had a quick catch up. Then with a massive bull horn we were off. Heading down Mission Road with Bono singing in my ears, (I am loving 'songs of Innocence') I kept a steady enough pace. There was a good crowd around me and in we headed to national park. Down by the canal, around this time the 60min pacer and his group passed, I could see him just ahead of me, which was quiet novel for me because of course that's the dream. Across the gravel path and then up the hill, still running, impressed, so was I, then I walked - briefly, at the top (but its like going to the bathroom when your out, once you go once you have to go again & again) and that was it I had given myself permission to walk.
Pass the playground the 70min pacer passed, I confess I was shuffling/walking, I shook myself off and caught up to them and kept up/kept him in sight pass the castlerosse hotel. He was a bit ahead as I crossed the second cows gate. Now I was Running/walking and I was progressing steadily.
For some reason when reading the route, I was convinced I didn't have to do the Lake loop and so when I was directed towards it , I was completely thrown.  Silly, as we had ran it at least 3 times in the last few weeks but my brain had taken it off the table for the day and it fought with me all the way around it.
Onwards, a girl was do a run/walk and I joined with her for a part of the loop, she took me over the hill to the views of Ross castle. Two miles to go!
I beg your forgiveness for what is to come, but these are the experiences of 'my running' and so, at this stage as I huffed along I felt a trickle. I tried to squeeze  but to no avail then a whoosh. F***!
I just continued on, mortified and embarrassed. I thought about the people running behind me 'going oh look that fat girl just p****** on herself'  , of course the only thing they were thinking of at that stage was finishing. To get me through I thought about the training we had done the previous Monday, where the group ran to certain point turned and ran back to the last in group ME. Miserable was I, then I saw Bernie coming towards me and it really was Bernie. She had finished her race and she come to run with me to the finishing line. Amazing! It wasn't pretty but we got there, as I headed towards the the playground, I think I uttered the immortal line 'I can't'. 
What an idiot I am! (Fill free to interchange the word or thought with eejit, lame, crazy).
I turned and bolted toward the finishing line. Catching sight of the time, I won't even comment! I should have been in at least 7 mins earlier! Because you know what I can do it.

The girls had done really well! Smiles abounded. I headed over to queue for ice cream and I pondered my now regular mental breakdown.  Bernie checked the sheets which were up and was able to report to us that she had finished in the top 25. Anna was also happy as she had serious shiny bling around her neck.

The cold was setting in..

Pondering answers to my racing breakdowns both mentally and physical:-
Growing older and weak pelvic floor result in leakage and maybe trip number 21 to the bathroom would also help.
The solution lies in the title of the post, I will try to focus my mind more. But this lack of focus is as a lack of belief in my abilities and that will require me to give myself a good kick in the posterior.
Sometimes its what's needed..

Sweating, aches and foam rolling..

Sweating, a few aches, leaky bladders (the latter is self explanatory and so I'll say no more about it, just to save my own blushes..) these are a few of the joys of running which I have experienced over the last week or so.

The air is so heavy, dead heat and it is so hard to run. I wish I could say the sweat was from how fast I'm running but its not!  The worst is when it goes into your eyes, it stings, so I also have red eyes. TRX is also causing me to sweat buckets!! But it will be worth it, a strong core and better running. Yeahhh..

With a few aches developing, I decided this week to invest in a foam roller..

I just have to figure out to use it properly. Fun times!

This weekend, we as a group are taking part in the women's mini marathon in Killarney. As I suffer from some form of performance or race anxiety, I'm not expecting to smash any records,  (No surprise there, I hear you say).
I am looking forward to seeing the girls on Saturday especially at the Finish Line.

Putting in the miles and muscle..

Training continues, Monday evening usually goes something like this:- waiting for the group, chatting, a warm up, various sessions - usually I pull up the rear but hopefully a bit quicker than last year. The Demense is our training ground at present but even as I write the night sky is dark and it is only 8.30 p.m., so a change in venue will come a lot sooner than last year. 

The plan at present is to run the women's mini marathon and also do the Killarney 10 miler both at the end of September. And with these runs in mind, I have set out each week. The latter frightens me because it has one or two hills in it, but it is for a good cause!!!! 

Michelle, Anna and Karen ran part of the course, report - tough but doable. 

With these runs in mind, last Sunday, I set off to do an 8 mile run.  Leaving the Gleneagle Hotel, I headed toward the Golf Course, steady, steady, steady. 

All was well as I headed towards the Castlerosse Hotel, when a big f****** dog went for me, teeth gnashing, he was on a lead thankfully but his owner didn't seem bothered. The couple coming along after him asked how I was, the shock of it, I stopped. Giving myself a little shake, I went on . Trying to keep my pace steady. 

I have taken to running with a book in my ear, mostly to try and drown out my inner monologue, at present Rob Lowe is my running partner. Not bad having Rob Lowe talking in your ear as you run through Killarney National Park is it!!!

He tells them well..

I headed out the Fossa way, I turned at the entrance at Fossa, 4 down 4 to go.. Heading back, I met Tiffany who had completed the Toughathlon the previous day. A 10K obstacle course which combined running with alot of mud and water. Fair play to her!! 

In fairness, as I am running the view is great, which does help. The various shades of green are so pretty I had to take a picture.

Not a bad view to have in front of you as you run..

But even, with Rob (as I now call him) in my ear, my mind kicks in every now again, the monologue goes something like this , 'Really Majella, are you this fast, you're not that runner, plodder,  Remember!' and invariably, I slow down. But, sometimes I don't, so progress!

As I headed into mile 8, I found it the hardest, I felt tired I suppose. But I stopped and started, a few times. Aghhh!!  But, wanting to finish strong, I sprinted toward my stop sign.  Yeahhh..

A few weeks ago Siobhan came to training telling us about a TRX/kettle bell class, she had started. Her enthusiasm for it encouraged the rest of us to sign up for a once a week class. Wow, tough but my core will thank me around about February. I hope!  At present, it's crying it doesn't know whats going on. 

Over the next few weeks there are a few runs ahead of us and this Saturday, Karen heads to Dingle to complete the Half Marathon. How great is that! She'll do fantastic.. Can't wait to see the bling!