Mind training needed.. or maybe a kick in the ....

Well, where do I begin..

Saturday morning dawned, breakfast of porridge and coffee, twenty trips to the bathroom (maybe should have made it 21) and I was out the door. Mum was doing the 5K walk, so having collected her, we arrived into Killarney in plenty of time. Parked car and headed out to meet the girls.
Having met up we walked to the start line, did a run to warm up stretched (very professional!) and waited, at this stage I was relaxed enjoying the morning. I even have pictorial evidence of this.

We are rocking the Black and Pink..

As we headed to the start line, Tiffany appeared and we had a quick catch up. Then with a massive bull horn we were off. Heading down Mission Road with Bono singing in my ears, (I am loving 'songs of Innocence') I kept a steady enough pace. There was a good crowd around me and in we headed to national park. Down by the canal, around this time the 60min pacer and his group passed, I could see him just ahead of me, which was quiet novel for me because of course that's the dream. Across the gravel path and then up the hill, still running, impressed, so was I, then I walked - briefly, at the top (but its like going to the bathroom when your out, once you go once you have to go again & again) and that was it I had given myself permission to walk.
Pass the playground the 70min pacer passed, I confess I was shuffling/walking, I shook myself off and caught up to them and kept up/kept him in sight pass the castlerosse hotel. He was a bit ahead as I crossed the second cows gate. Now I was Running/walking and I was progressing steadily.
For some reason when reading the route, I was convinced I didn't have to do the Lake loop and so when I was directed towards it , I was completely thrown.  Silly, as we had ran it at least 3 times in the last few weeks but my brain had taken it off the table for the day and it fought with me all the way around it.
Onwards, a girl was do a run/walk and I joined with her for a part of the loop, she took me over the hill to the views of Ross castle. Two miles to go!
I beg your forgiveness for what is to come, but these are the experiences of 'my running' and so, at this stage as I huffed along I felt a trickle. I tried to squeeze  but to no avail then a whoosh. F***!
I just continued on, mortified and embarrassed. I thought about the people running behind me 'going oh look that fat girl just p****** on herself'  , of course the only thing they were thinking of at that stage was finishing. To get me through I thought about the training we had done the previous Monday, where the group ran to certain point turned and ran back to the last in group ME. Miserable was I, then I saw Bernie coming towards me and it really was Bernie. She had finished her race and she come to run with me to the finishing line. Amazing! It wasn't pretty but we got there, as I headed towards the the playground, I think I uttered the immortal line 'I can't'. 
What an idiot I am! (Fill free to interchange the word or thought with eejit, lame, crazy).
I turned and bolted toward the finishing line. Catching sight of the time, I won't even comment! I should have been in at least 7 mins earlier! Because you know what I can do it.

The girls had done really well! Smiles abounded. I headed over to queue for ice cream and I pondered my now regular mental breakdown.  Bernie checked the sheets which were up and was able to report to us that she had finished in the top 25. Anna was also happy as she had serious shiny bling around her neck.

The cold was setting in..

Pondering answers to my racing breakdowns both mentally and physical:-
Growing older and weak pelvic floor result in leakage and maybe trip number 21 to the bathroom would also help.
The solution lies in the title of the post, I will try to focus my mind more. But this lack of focus is as a lack of belief in my abilities and that will require me to give myself a good kick in the posterior.
Sometimes its what's needed..